A Chronology of events in my daily life.
This is page one of My Life On Line.
'Love is being able to over look another's short comings.'
Monday, April 04, 2005, 1:05 PM CDST
entry no. 0001
I'm having a cup of Folger's coffee.
What else is new?
My wife has a sprained ankle. Bubba, (my older brother), has a sinus infection, *hey it's spring for goodness sakes! And our friend Presley has an upper respiratory infection. He had to come home from work without getting any pay. He's a hard working man but he has to face facts, he can't do that kind of work when he's coughing and has chills and fever and sneezing all over the place. It keeps him awake nights.
I thought it might be nice to change my web pages a bit. So I'm starting fresh with a new
My Life On Line.
Oh by the way; this is not a contest. The events that take place on this page are the facts, some quite trivial and boring, but that's life! Life is what really happens when we're making other plans!
Saturday, April 09, 2005, 9:21 AM CDT
entry no. 0002
It's a quiet Saturday morning for Oak Cliff, Dallas, TX.
I had some Pineapple, Orange, Banana by Dole. It is a pretty fruity drink.
In fact it's so quiet, in spite of regular traffic that my wife is still sleeping soundly.
She had a sprain to her right ankle about a week ago. Until yesterday, she had to
use a walker to get around. Last night I helped her a little, but she did most of the work in the kitchen preparing spaghetti and green beans.
I had gone to the Kroger just yesterday afternoon. I purchased some ground chuck, some canned soups and canned beans and lettuce and celery. Let's see. what else did I get?
I don't remember, I only remember the amount on the receipt at being nearly $30.00.
I don't know how she does it but if it were left up to me we'd run out of money for groceries before the end of the second week. She is much more frugal than I. No, actually I'm not frugal in any sense of the word. I bought Cod fish and roast beef, swiss cheese and 2 tomatoes that cost around $3.00 just because they were vine ripen tomatoes and organically grown, but they were beautiful and they tasted fine on the Peperidge Farms brand Italian bread with sesame.
We had the sandwiches while watching All My Children and I had baby swiss. I love the taste of a slice of baby swiss on a sandwich. 2 slices for just around .50 cents. Not bad, in that I know not to buy large amounts of cold cuts or cheese because you get burned out on the same thing every day and the shelf life of deli cold cuts and cheeses are not all that long. Talking about shelf life, a loaf of french bread went bad on us yesterday. It had mold spots on tiny areas and this was just from the atmospheric humidity. Dallas, Texas has high humidity year round and bread don't stand a chance. I guess I could buy a dehumidifier. I once had a Kenmore dehumidifier I bought at a Salvation Army thrift store for about $5.00
Yep we go for the bargains!
It's 9:34 AM
My wife and I enjoy going to the Dallas Public Library, Downtown once a month on one of the 4 Saturdays, I can't remember which. Dah. I have bad recall! Anyway, a buck for a book is as good as it gets!
But, the Grand Prairie, Texas Public Library used book sale is on April 13 - 17,
but we need membership to get in on the 13th. That day is reserved for friends of the Grand Prairie Library, and it costs $10.00 for that privilege. I have to be honest, 10 dollars is enough for me to buy almost all the books, magazines and whatever goodies they have in spite of the fact that many very good books will already be gone after the opening day sale on the 13th.
I may one day opt for that Friends thing and pay ten bucks so my wife and I can get in
early and perhaps find that very special book.
The book I have a hard time getting at the Dallas Public Library is The Prodigal Project: Book Two: Exodus. The last time I requested it on line I had to wait until it was shipped from Amarillo, Texas to Dallas and it was good for 14 days. I didn't get a chance to read the rest of the book so I returned it only to be told that it would have to be checked back in and I had to place another request for that book to check it out again. Well, I did that.
I also requested 3 prints of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged.
I have a friend who requested a copy but he expects a copy to be purchased, not checked out. The last time I checked out a book for him he was disappointed because I had failed to understand that he wanted to own a copy of The Shooter's Bible, 2005 edition. Turns out Wal*Mart sold copies of that book in the sporting goods department, not in the books and magazines section of the front end of the store. By the time I realized I needed to get it from that department they already sold the last book. The man in sporting goods told me I might get lucky if I went to Oshman's. I thought, Galyan's at The Parks in Arlington. I've been there a few times.
Anyway, funny how people can't really appreciate things that they do not possess but when they own it they seem to adopt a newer, fresher point of view of appreciation.
I think that's odd. I can appreciate a good song I here on the radio without feeling the need to purchase a copy of the CD, however I did get copy of the CD of IZ , that contains his version of Somewhere Over A Rainbow. blue birds fly, etc.... The first time I heard him sing that was when I was watching an episode of Cold Case. I found my copy at the Downtown Dallas, Texas Central Library. Yep. I didn't buy the CD from Target or Wal*Mart like I would if I had to own it. I would be constantly broke if I bought every DVD ad CD that I liked the movie or a soundtrack or particular song contained in it. Like the Donnie Darko movie.
The main song was so meaningful to me that I took pains to get a copy of the soundtrack after watching the movie 3 times in one week. I also got hooked on the theme song and in fact the series The Sopranos to the extent that when I finished the 4th season, after setting through the entire series in just 2 days I am in withdrawal. Watching it on HBO with weekly breaks is no where near the intensity of watching it in full DVD format without waiting between episodes but then again you have to wait about a year inbetween seasons. Season 5 is due sometime in the future. Then I bet I go for the marathon again. I can really get into a great show like The Sopranos.
I am also fond of The Dead Zone, the cable series with Anthony Michael Hall as the main character of John Smith. The most recent release of the 3rd season is yet to appear on the Library shelf just for me to take a look at.
I'm gonna go now. It's 9:56 AM. Catch Ya Later. :)
Sunday, April 10, 2005, 7:41 PM CDT
entry no. 0003
My younger brother is doing drugs again!
My older brother J C called me yesterday and told me K L told him he was $200.00 in debt to a local drug dealer who works the neighborhood near a convenience store just across from K L's apartment. He told J C that the dealer told him he would kill him if he didn't come up with the money. The news came as a shock to me yesterday.
I'm depressed about it now. It would seem the drug obtained by our brother K L is CRACK cocaine.
I can't believe him. He always manages to f**k up his life. No matter how many times he tells me that he's not doing drugs I later find out he was not telling the truth.
He is in deep. I don't know what is the answer. Every time I see a destitute person in Oak Cliff, walking around the local shopping center with their hands outstretched and the gullible hand them bills I keep thinking, Don't do that lady! He's only gonna get more CRACK with it.!
But these people even told my older brother J C that they would never give up CRACK for anything. They would sell their father's crutches to get a hit of something that keeps them feeling high.
My brother had it all, a wife and a little boy, they went to church together on Sundays and so on. Drugs and crime took root in their lives and they were never the same. My brother's ex had the baby taken away and he has never seen him or her again and in spite of all the help he's gotten from psychiatrists at mental health care clinics, as long as he's addicted to drugs, of any kind, the support and assistance the MHMR gives my brother will not help.
He simply is unable or unwilling to admit he has a problem with drugs and he has chosen to take the low road to becoming high!
No way to fight this depression. I really can't stop feeling all these dysfunctional thoughts ya know what I mean. Get real. Having a brother who could either get arrested or die of a drug over dose is a constant and no kind of logic can make that reality disappear.
I would like to not become negatively affected by this but hey, he's my brother. I love him.
I don't want to see him die or be put in jail, But as long as he plays with illegal drugs he's gonna be walking a fine line between fire and ice to put it in poetic terms.
Thursday, April 14, 2005, 7:41 PM CDT
entry no. 0004
We went to the hospital yesterday. My checkup was good.
I was prescribed 2 medications, Nexium for GIRD and Clarinex for seasonal allergies.
But the hospital's policy is to not allow dispensing OTC drugs to patients who are prescribed them. The thing I have to realize is, if I want to get something for my allergies I have to get Clarinex or whatever generic one is out there over the counter and pay full price for it. For the past 3 years however, I was prescribed Allegra and it is not OTC.
That is phexaphenadine HCL hydrochloride capsules is a time release medicine for allergic rhinitis, aka Hay fever! But enough of that. I do wonder how I might get a bottle of Allegra or Allegra D. It is out there somewhere and I bet my insurance would cover it, but telling that to Parkland might be another issue.
It's getting closer to eleven and that means hot coffee, AMC and my precious wife.
It's a pretty nice day. Nothing really to write about. That is, so far, at least.
Friday, April 15, 2005, 11:52 PM CDT
entry no. 0005
I chatted with my sister a while on line and she was kind of abrupt.
She has to be as she uses the internet on the job for inter office memorandums but we did chat for a short time.
My wife and I spent some time organizing the kitchen. We cleaned the food closet shelves, put fresh new shelving paper on and re-shelved several canned foods and other food items of various assortments. It's funny how much you can put on those shelves. When they were temporarily removed and setting all over the dining room table and on the counter and washer and drier, boy, it looked like we had ransacked a grocery store by the looks of it!
Just a moment ago several police cars raced down the road and turned onto the cross street to our East. It's Friday night in Oak Cliff. Time for crime I guess.
This person who I think lives back behind us, across the alley shot off his pellet or bb. gun several times this past week and I even saw him caring the bb rifle and point it towards the trees to the West. They are trouble waiting to happen.
After my wife takes a shower we might get to watch the first episode of Revelations,
we taped a few days ago. It's a 6 part series that aires once every Wednesday, the same evening Alias and Lost are aired. Too much in one night for me. I like to record shows so I can space them apart a little bit. The only exception would be The Sopranos. If that show aired every day I would be right there but then I am into that show as it is really exceptionally good.
Saturday, April 16, 2005, 3:41 PM CDST
entry no. 0006
Last night my wife slipped and fell in the bath tub.
She fell as I was on line and I abruptly ran to see if she was alright. The bottom of the tub was slippery with residual liquid soap and she had slipped as she arose from the bath tub chair. She fell flat and thankfully she did not sustain any serious injuries from the fall.
But she and I were both quite upset by the ordeal. I'm only glad that she is alright and that I was there to help her out of the tub. I realize bathroom accidents, like this one can be very dangerous and sometimes even fatal.
The fact is, my wife has had two accidents in the bath tub. 3 weeks ago she twisted her right ankle trying to get up from a setting position in the tub. After that she had pain and swelling of her right ankle for over two weeks and she had to use a walker at times and a cane at other times. Then afterwards I put a bath tub chair inside to allow her to set while taking a shower. The result of this was when using bar soap there was not too much slipperiness, however when she used a liquid body wash there was too much lather and when she began to get up off the chair she slipped and fell.
I've decided it will be best to use only bar soap, and to make sure always that the tub is not slippery and get some of those stick on anti skid decals for the bottom of the tub and also get another safety bar to go down a bit lower from the window closer to the tub for her to get out of it more easily and safely.
Yesterday evening was a bad ordeal for us both, but she is okay now and we both are over it.
In the future we'll both be more careful and try to prevent any more accidents in the tub.
7:11 PM We watched several of the cooking shows. It's been a lazy day. I picked up the movie: The Magic Window, with Johnny Depp. I'm listening to 107.5 FM, the Oasis.
I don't like the commercials though. In fact, I hate them. So I often times have to shut the radio off in between the little brain robbers.
My wife is watching an earlier recorded episode of American Idol. They should call the show: Eliminate a singer. Every time I see competition shows it's so cut throat. If you don't get to be number one you are number zero. Bull shit. Many a great singing voice have been eliminated from shows like this one and Star Search and others in the past.
In my opinion something should be said for the thousands of contestants on these talent shows. I think it should go as follows: If you are ambitious, and you have a singing talent, you should pursue your dreams without having to be torn down, knocked around and scrutinized and minimized, even before you are able to actually fully realize your abilities as a musician, singer, performer, etc. Just because you don't make it on a top rated show like American Idol you should be able to hold your head high and keep on singing. One day your chance to be famous and popular may come. But you can't just give up because you were voted off the competition by faceless individuals who voted on the best song, the best dressed, the sexiest look or most original and so on. On any given night of a performance even the most talented have their bad nights.
I haven't heard from KL, my younger brother, lately. He has supposedly gotten involved in drugs again. Either that or he's been robbed for the 100th time of his rent money. He's made it a bad habit to excuse himself from being out of money when his rent is due and it has usually been this explanation: I was robbed at the ATM machine. I lost my wallet at the grocery store and when I the manager found my wallet they called me on the phone and I went to pick it up. Everything was in it except the cash. Yea right! Get real KL!
If he did buy Crack Cocaine for about $200.00 at a local convenience store near his apartment at a pay phone booth, which actually sounds believable, it would account for his long invisibility. He has admitted to doing Crack in the past and other hard drugs. Can I really believe that he's gone straight after all the lies? He added: The dealer wants to kill me. If I don't come up with the money I owe him. That tells me that the dealer allowed him to obtain a good amount of some kind of drug, enough to get him addicted all over again and therefore make it hard for him to stop. He may have been fronted the drugs. Maybe he was duped into being re-addicted by the dealer, because the dealer knows that a hardened addict will provide more revenue, that is, until the dealer is found out and gets busted and goes to prison! Yea. Dope dealers go to prison for a very long time in Texas.
My brother has been trying to set his life straight but he obviously has fallen back into some of his old habits, the habits that can be the complete destruction of one's own life and those who care about them like me. I care. I love my brother, but his dependency on controlled and illegal substances is so great that even his doctor's attempts at therapy and medication and his relationship with people at a local Christian church has failed in part. Drug addiction is something that I think is locally as bad as any form of international terrorism and besides the drug dealer gets his funding and sends his profits directly to the potential or actual terrorists across the world.
Monday, April 18, 2005, 4:54 PM CDST
entry no. 0007
Bubba called this afternoon. Father F passed away.
Then later this afternoon, he called again and said he just found out by a friend at church, that our local automobile mechanic, founder and owner of A local automotive repair shop, passed away just a few days ago.
Talk about bad news. Ya know what I mean. I have a great deal of respect for Father F as well as Al . Both their lives will be missed by myself and my immediate family.
Father F contributed to many hours of private Christian fellowship and at home masses with my father, who had been house bound for many years with post polio syndrome and Al, who was our very reliable mechanic, who fixed every car both my father and I owned over the years since we arrived in Dallas in 1965.
I can't believe they both are gone. The Pope died just days earlier and then Father F who my dad and my older brother respected and appreciated, as they were both members of Father F's parish, and Al , who has been there for us all during both my parent's funerals, in 1995 at my mother's funeral and then in 2002, at our father's funeral. Friends and neighbors like these are few and far between. God bless them all. I know He will and now on with the rest of my life on line.
My wife's older daughter called and talked to her for about an hour. She seemed to enjoy her talk to her. I did a little bit of raking, then played some Van Morrison on Windows Media Player.
Oriental stir fry with mixed vegetable will be our dinner tonight.
Another day in my life and the rest of the world keeps right on spinning around, but it don't matter. I have enough to keep my mind rolling in this little circle of reality I refer to as my life, not just the blood running through my veins, but the basic intrinsic life that makes up who I am and nobody else.
I guess I'll close here. Later ;)
Tuesday, April 19, 2005, 9:58 AM CDST
entry no. 0008
I got up this morning and moved the iron plant to the dining room's South window, then I placed the Hyacinth on a pedestal to the living room's South window. I had to place a 4 foot tomato spike into the iron plant's pot to support the very heavy leaves that otherwise would droop almost completely downward to the point that the plant might not survive. House plants can some time be sensitive. But it's not their nature to exist inside a 21'st century domicile like ours. They are often moved from environments far away, and thus live out the rest of their existence in an world that is hostile to their nature.
The light rains of the forests, and the mild temperatures in the temperate zones and the very warm and damp environments of the Amazon rain forests and then there are plants that are grown commercially in a green house that never see the home from which their native parents once existed in naturally until man once again swooped in and altered the course of natural selection that may have taken millions of years to create the very plant that exists in that pot you so often take for granted, and moreover, that plant might be one on a list of endangered species. Man is on that list ya know!
Tomorrow Mr. K will be given his funeral service and his 2 sons will take over the family business. I believe they will succeed admirably. When family business starts up and sticks together through the good and bad times, but for the extremely hard work and dedication to excellence, success is almost assured.
11:26 AM, When we turned on Channel 8 for ABC's All My Children that aires 11:00 AM Central Time the news came on and pre-empted our show with news about the New Pope. There is a new Pope now. The news came live, directly from Rome at Saint Peter's Square.
Nobody has reported which country the new Pope came from. He could be from just about any country. Until later we'll be essentially in the dark about this.
NPR is debating about the Christian divide in Europe. What with the mass migration of Muslims into Europe today.
Meanwhile there's the special demonstration by our local security forces in the Down Town Dallas area acting on orders to show diligence and steadfastness in the light of the anniversary of the 10th year to date, yesterday, of the Oklahoma City bombing, that killed over a hundred people in the Oklahoma Federal Building at the hands of Tim MacVey and his collaborators.
The NPR news is doing an excellent job covering the news about the Pope. Television news is on it too. 11:40 AM. The curtain has opened. We should here now who the new Pope is. Let's see who it will be. His name is : Joseph Ratzinger, 72 years old, from Germany. He will be called: Pope Benedict XVI (16th)
Well now. The Papal flag is on the second floor balcony of St. Peter's Basilica.
The crowd is roaring.
God bless us all.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005, 6:55 PM CDST
entry no. 0009
This entire week has been spent on moving everything from the front bed room to the back bed room.
Now I feel like a pint of Moollennium Crunch by Blue Bell. We wanted to put carpet on the back bedroom floor. We went to a local Lowes home improvement store and determined one piece of carpet, color light blue, would cost about $80.00. But I measured the room wrong. I measured it at 11 feet by 10 feet.
In fact they will only roll out 12 feet wide carpet on the rollers to whatever length, in our case, 10 feet. But they will not cut the extra foot off the long end after the first cut off the roll. In other words, they were willing to cut a ten foot length of twelve foot wide carpet, period! When asked if they would be willing to cut off the extra foot they refused.
I think they do that because of the fact people just like me make an initial mistake of measuring a room wrong by several inches for one reason or another, then buy a piece they think is the wrong size and then go back home and realize it's not long enough by 6 inches or so. That has to be the reason they refuse to cut carpet to the specifications of the customer. Because most people do not measure floors accurately and if they sell a carpet that is the full twelve feet and so many full feet long, it is easier for them to resell it if it is returned by a customer who in fact had made that same mistake of not measuring the room correctly.
Anyway. The fact that we had placed the furniture back in the back bed room before laying carpet we now face the horrible prospect of moving every single piece of furniture back out of that room and put carpet on the floor and then lay the carpet down properly.
A friend of ours has offered some left over carpet from a convention but the carpet will have to be cut on two sides to an exact 90 degrees and seemed together with cold seam tape. The carpet in fact will not fit the room entirely correct and will leave a small area of flooring uncovered by the carpet.
I could opt to buy the nice blue full piece of carpet at Lowes for about eighty dollars at about the size of eleven feet by ten feet and let our friend install it as I prefer to cover the entire floor with the carpet my wife likes and not leave part of the floor uncovered.
We have to money to buy the carpet now. We should go all out and get that carpet and get help laying it down on the floor of the back bed room after we first remove the furniture, then we can put the furniture back into the room with the nice new carpet and then be happy that the work is finally finished.
It's been one tote after another. It's been one banker's box after another, packing things into them and stacking them into the other part of the house, painting and installing a new window air conditioner unit.
I am tired. I need a break. I want this project to be completed and behind us.
Thursday, April 28, 2005, 1:59 PM CDST
entry no. 0010
We put out the junk I didn't have space for on the front lawn and front porch to sell to the lowest bidder.
There just wasn't any room in the front bed room which is now the new computer room or Java Cave. When I put stuff inside the Rubbermaid Rough Totes I had to stack them 6 high. Since then I gave away $750.00 worth of old Mach five and Optimus Radio Shack stereo speakers, 2 that had been blown out due to age and not to mention, loud music.
The man who took them, ever so gratefully, smiled as he said he would be back later to pick up the stereo entertainment cabinet he would buy for $15.00. But, he must have come back later when my wife and I were in the back bed room, still painting and we didn't hear him knock. Or perhaps he didn't knock, but he did not pay us for the cabinet the measly fifteen bucks and just took it. I had placed another 2 shelf book case on the lawn after he had taken the speakers, but before he had returned to abscond with the entertainment cabinet. We looked later, after noticing every piece of furniture were gone from the front lawn and looked inside the mail box. Nope. There won't no money in the mail. This guy had lots of nerve. If I had known that he would have stolen both the cabinet and book shelf I would have simply not offered the speakers to him for free.
I am thinking of an old saying: Give them an inch and they'll take a mile. What does it mean to be half honest? AKA half dishonest, or a partial crook or robber? Oh is it not considered robbery when the junk they take is being given away and sold for a few dollars on a front lawn? I think there is a law against theft, even in this instance. But, anyway, I won't let it bother me.
I would rather dwell on the fact my brother came over to eat dinner but he said he first stopped off at a Churches to get 2 orders to go and had just ate that, so when he arrived at our house he had little of no room in his already cram packed tummy for the macaroni and cheese and pinto beans and biscuits dinner my wife made for him and our friend from the neighborhood. He, our friend, earlier had brought down the 2 pieces of irregularly cut grey blue carpet from a decorator's union expo set up. They always throw away good carpet pieces after the work is done and our friend often takes pieces home in hopes he can use it on his home or give it to a friend like us.
I am saving about $100.00 by not buying carpet at Lowes so that is a good thing, but cutting the two irregularly cut edges of the carpet pieces so that they are perfectly straight and using cold press tape to make them meet seamlessly requires his efforts and his alone. Last night I laid down the first piece just to see how it fitted the edges and it did so almost perfectly along the East West axis at the base board edge.
About last night. We all watched Alias, then our friend put the DVD of Electra on we all set down to a basically 2 hour movie full of action and more action.
Compared to Kill Bill, Electra is PG and Kill Bill is R rated. The difference between real action and pseudo action is obvious in these two films.
Bubba had difficulty speaking. It's as if the medication or results of his life long drinking of
alcoholic beverages has slowed his cognition down. But when he went to the door to leave, he flipped the switch on the wall off, expecting the motion sensor porch light to come on and when it didn't he flipped the second light switch, but nothing happened. The power that controls the TV, 3 VCR's, DVD player, RCA surround sound system, CD player and dual cassette player were turned off just long enough to make it necessary for two of the three VCR's to automatically reset themselves. If the switch had not been turned back on in about 3 minutes or longer I would have had to go to menu on the TV and the 3 VCRs and reset the surround system the time, date, speed settings, channel inputs, video settings and so on. Basically we were lucky. The time between the flip off to flip back on was fortunately less than half a minute and nothing was lost.
I did, however loose my temper. I exercised my extensive vocabulary in explicatives last night. and later took a Lorazepam to calm down. My head was buzzing. I have been loosing my temper, getting angry from the first day to the last because of the room move.
I even regret I had to throw out the 4 speakers. At one time those speakers were the purest in sound possible. I don't think I would be able to ever again obtain 4 speakers any thing like those. They stood about 3 feet tall by 18 inches wide by 12 inches deep or greater. They had what is referred by Radio Shack as a bass reflex system sound.
If I ever get this front bed room cleared of the enormous totes I will be able to rest easier.
It's sad to recall that earlier, I had a rubber maid rough tote in the metal storage shed and the few others stacked on top caused the bottom tote to weaken and split open on one edge, gone unnoticed, with the following inside of it, set out there in all kinds of weather for about 12 years: SANYO BETA MAX PLAYER, 2 - SONY DUAL CASSETTE AUDIO PLAYER / RECORDERS and a few other things. The result was excessive insect infestation and one such insect was ants. There was soil caked over part of the components of ant mound material. It was hopeless. Even though I put the 2 cassette decks on the front side walk, they were picked up by local scavengers within 24 hours. I kept the BETA unit because they don't make them any more and it's remotely possible I may in the future get it repaired, that is if it hasn't been too ruined by being in that storage environment for so many years, and I have over a hundred BETA tapes, with old Star Treks and Lost In Space episodes. You gotta try your best to salvage this stuff!
Saturday, April 30, 2005, 12:55 AM CDST
entry no. 0011
My brother called today to announce that he had in his possession, 3 kittens that a friend of his had given him and he was calling to ask if I would be interested in one or all of them myself. I told him that I had not gotten over the death of my most recent Mon Kinny Kat, that was either killed by a local stray black chow or it she died from exposure to flea spray for cats. I'll never know how she died, only that I could not bear to raise another pet any time in the near future. My wife doesn't want any animals in our house any way and the harsh environment in Dallas is too bad for a pet cat or small dog to be exposed to 24/7.
When he told me the kittens had just recently been weaned and that he had not fed them any milk or water, I warned him in an angry tone of voice: Bubba, if you don't feed a kitten or a puppy at that early age, within less than 24 hours they all could die from starvation!
I essentially called my brother a stupid shit and that was because I felt he got those kittens specifically for me and that he said he thought the idea of going up to the local Jerry's supermarket and sell them or give them away out of a card board box from the back of his pick up truck was something he would never do as he had too busy a schedule.
I asked him if he had thought about that before he took them from his friend, and for his friend to be so short sighted as to give my brother 3 kittens, having taken them away from their mother, wherever she might be at this time knowing good and well that he already has 2 Chihuahua dogs to look after and he has church and AA meetings to attend to I can't understand the lack of foresight they both seemed to clearly manifest.
We watched Naked. It was a British film. The main character was an angry, cynical, intellectual with sexual sadistic and emotionally detached or apathetic relations with women and though he had a firm grasp of the philosophically challenged life of an emotionally depraved soul he could make you think just a little bit when he spun his words of wit and satire.
I managed to empty out about 9 medium rubber maid totes and several smaller see through 5 quart sized rectangle shaped storage boxes so I didn't do all that bad today.
I'm feeling a little sad for talking the way I did to my older brother, Bubba, but I know he means well, but I worry now about the 3 kittens. Will they die over night? Or will they be taken to the SPCA of Dallas on Industrial Blvd. and then be saved? or will they be put to sleep which is an oversimplified version of the word be put to death, or killed?
I pray that will not be the case. In any event the entire conversation Bubba and I had over the phone had been over speaker phone, not hand set and it wasn't until I said something negative about our friend who was in the living room within hearing distance that Bubba told me Presley was there and heard every thing I said. I have to try to remember what I might have said to offend Presley. I think it might have been this: What was he thinking of to hand over 3 baby kittens to you Bubba? What the fuck were you thinking. Don't you realize you could kill those poor baby kittens if you don't fucking feed them something before so much time has gone by? I mean, do you think they will just sleep and purr the entire day and night without any nutrition?
I think that might have been what I said, in part. I can't really recall the entire line of conversation but the rude aspect of the whole thing was that Bubba was talking all that time on a speaker phone and he never told me Presley was there in the room with him, listening to our conversation, which I figured was a private conversation. ya know what I mean?
Monday, May 02, 2005, 9:47 AM CDST
entry no. 0012
I once was instructed, by my therapist, to read Dr. David D. Burns, M.D.'s Feeling Good. It taught me how to make charts that listed my daily list of dysfunctional thoughts and cognitive distortions.
I gathered from this book that all that is wrong in America and in the rest of the world is largely the result of tons of cognitive distortions and daily dysfunctional thoughts, namely LABELING. We as humans, not as Americans or any other nation, but as humans, tend to jump to conclusions about others whom we have no personal acquaintance and we then tend to label them either in a positive light or in a very negative light.
Most of the crime, the prejudice, and indeed, the wars fought by human beings since the beginning of recorded history have been, in all likelihood has been motivated by blind hate, blind fear, blind prejudice and stupidity, which I define as an act of aggression without conscience.
You don't have to be a patient of psycho therapy to be able to appreciate the need to think without all those cognitive distortions and emotional reasoning, labeling and such from your basic instinct from a life time of bad habits of dysfunctional thoughts that often are not even your own.
Much of what we think we feel is someone else's influence, persuasion, repetitive words that come across from the MEDIA every day of our lives.
Propaganda is a thought that is not your own that has most likely been placed in your mind on an entirely unconscious level by the MEDIA and from other people who are themselves victims of their own personal dysfunctional thoughts and cognitive distortions.
I have found David Burns' book effective and in a positive and constructive way.
It's 9:58 AM and I think I will close for now. CHOW!
Tuesday, May 03, 2005, 7:29 PM CDST
entry no. 0013
We had an accident at the Kroger in the parking lot today.
But it was not our fault. We were driving in our '87 Cadillac Sedan Deville along the stretch that lies just outside the entrance to Kroger and a man in a mid sized car backed out into us before we could stop. The owner of the car declared: 'I have no insurance, but...' he insisted we give him a call. that backed into the right side of ours hitting both right front and right back door panels. So after assessing the damages he declared that he had this body shop and that if we headed on over sometime to his place of business, he would be more than happy to buff the car's dent for us and insisted the damage was not all that bad. He bore the tattoo of a tear drop on his cheek.
I knew what that meant and in the back of my mind I thought to myself, 'I wonder who's life you took!' I wasn't about to argue that we would contact the law and have them settle this. The thing is, he may have insurance but doesn't want us to report it to the police because his insurance premiums are probably already sky high! He probably has had many such accidents in the past! Now, in retrospect, I really think I should have filed an accident report. That way the fellow would have at least had to admit to being at fault and even if his insurance went up he deserves it. If he in fact was lying and did indeed have insurance but didn't want us to know it to take himself off the hook so to speak. "Oh it's not really that bad. I could fix it over at my shop no problem!" SMOOTH TALKER ISN'T HE?
Well, we drove home, I then took a wet wash cloth and laid some Fast Orange onto it, went outside and scrubbed over the scuff marks gingerly. I then rinsed out the cloth and washed over the area several times. I then took a dry cloth to the area and finally sprayed Orange Pledge furniture wax over the area and went over the area one last time with a clean white hand cloth. By that time the scuff marks from his black rubberized bumper were gone, but there were several ripples of irregularity on the surface from the damage incurred by the collision and some areas, small, but there, where pieces of some paint had completely fallen off and there were some well defined bends in the dented area of the lower panel of the right rear door and a significant wide gap where the lower leading edge of the door met with the door panel where you could get a quarter in between, not the clean and almost perfect edge that exists on the undamaged area of the opposite side of the car, the left side.
It seems the Caddy has seen better days. It was not long ago when we purchased it for a thousand and a hundred for title transfer that the Caddy looked pretty darn good.
First, we had our first mishap when during a tornado event on I-20, in the parking lot of SAM's CLUB they went into code black. Everyone went to the center of the building as the outside grew coal black, the roof began to rattle and after about the time it takes to drink half a cup of a good Frappuccino I went outside to look at the parking lot. At first the Caddy looked normal, but I saw many many people go outside and many of them looked disturbed. Many rushed to the information window to ask for a manager. There were several shopping carts thrown about the parking lot as a result of about 90 mile per hour winds. Then we got a closer look at the Caddy. The back end of it was dented all the hell.
A shopping cart lay beside our car on it's side. But this looked like the front bumper of a truck that was driven by someone in the parking lot during the storm and there are parallel marks that go up along the trunk lid. The damage was sufficient to get repairs done but we had no money and no comprehensive insurance with All State. We were still able to drive the car. No damages were done to any other part of the car, just the rear end and the manager told us what he told many others in the same situation: 'We are not legally responsible for damages done by shopping carts left in the parking lot, but I returned with, Yea, but this was the result of a tornado. Carts were tossed like toys against cars and trucks during this last 15 minutes.' He told us to get an insurance claims adjuster to work something out with us, but I was too frazzled to argue I didn't have any stupid insurance.
Then after we all but got over that instance many years later our car broke down due to a bad Alternator so the battery kept on dying. We eventually had my brother push us a few blocks and up the street to his house but in so doing he broke out both rear lights and the left rear light housing which is now covered in silver duct tape like Red Green would only think of doing and left terrible marks all over the rear bumper.
So it has been about 8 months or less since that instance and now the final straw, besides the fact the neighbor's tree leaks sap and flowers that destroy the paint on the car we were happily going home after a few hours of Krogering when Oh No! Watch out!
So in light of these past 3 critical events in the life of our Cadillac Sedan Deville 1987 model, we realize we don't have any thing to hope for but to perhaps be able to save enough in the next few years to buy another car, a second hand car, of course! One that is perhaps with a 6 cylinder, automatic, fully functional air and radio and perhaps even year model 1997 or better. That would be cool.
But ya know, I've seen what some of these Maaco paint and body shops can do for an old beat up car like ours. It could use a major make over. I do respect the craftsmanship that goes into Cadillac and ours has been faithful to us in spite of the mishaps we have regretted experiencing over the last 6 years. It only seems that every time damage is done to the car either it is an act of God as in the Tornado that hit a few years ago in front of SAM's Club or a critical error of judgment done by an uninsured motorist in a local grocery parking lot.
You can not predict when an accident will occur but you can learn not to get too sick in the gut from the anger and the realization of just what took place with my car.
I want to blame the other guy for this but that would be a waste of time. The damage is done I think I've learned a little from this experience. In the future drive the car along the axis of the fire lanes and don't drive along the perpendicular axis of parked cars.
Besides, the parking lot has 90 degree parking against the median, rather than 45 degrees that for the most part would allow most drivers to look more carefully before backing out of a parking space.
12:44 AM Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Our good friend Presley came over to watch Spider Man 2. He also took a look at our car.
His opinion was that it didn't look all that bad and what with all the damages to it the thought of spending good money to get body work done would be a waste when a few thousand saved up over a short period of time could buy us a newer car that is in better condition. I still hate it when accidents happen. I want to get this negative dysfunctional thought out of my head but it's seemingly impossible. I need to try to be able to dismiss such thoughts and not dwell on disappointments like minor car wrecks and such and do as most other people, accept things and deal with them and move on with my life!
I guess it's the futility of wanting to keep your one and only auto in best condition and looking it's best. The car in itself is a good looking design. It's age is relative. All cars get old in due time. It's only new the second you buy it from a dealership the year it is made then with each passing year a newer model takes it's place until it's about 10 years or 15 years older or greater than before.
I've had many cars in my life, all used and all involved in one kind of accident or another.
You tend to go through life thinking all your bad days are behind you and that somehow you are entitled to have several years of uneventful non serious days! But The Valiant, the second car I've owned, given to me by my father was in a few wrecks. I drove the Plymouth Valiant, 1961 model, with push button transmission all across the U.S. to as far north west as Washington state and as far north east as Michigan's upper peninsula. I drove it to Indiana, to Michigan's lower peninsula, both states where my 2 sisters live, then through the states between them and Texas and no accidents.
I even drove to a Rainbow Festival in Washington near Spokane by driving about 500 miles a day for 5 straight days and after one day at the festival I hated it and drove back to Dallas, alone, leaving my then best friend behind for fear I might become involved in some kind of cult activities. As before, I drove the Valiant back to Dallas by going 500 miles or more each day with little or no sleep. No accidents ever as a result. Then I get back in Dallas and I get into a fender bender with a truck that is parked along side a curb that just happens to decide to start moving when I pass by and then the guy insists the accident was my fault and my Alstate agent worked something out and I was covered for the damages he didn't even have but lost my rear bumper for it.
The cars I have driven subsequently all have been in some kind of minor or major accident. So now I get skittish even if we are pulling into a parking lot of a Wal*Mart because I feel somehow that my wife might run into one of those cars parked on the opposite side or one of those handicapped poles that are placed right in front of the parking spaces. Any how, I freak sometimes. It spoiled my entire experience the last time we went out because of my frequent anxiety attacks that are initiated by being in the car too long and because the car itself stirs up unconscious memories of my past accidents and that ain't no joke.
I have to deal with stress every day. Often times I can not sleep at night. I can hear the traffic and the neighbor's dogs barking and overly aware of my own breathing. Funny isn't it? I mean, I dream of being buried alive a night earlier. I must be under way too much stress.
Every time the weather man is on during news time and rain is in the forecast he makes such a big exaggerated deal about the possibility of tornados, thunderstorms and flooding and high winds that by the time you have heard all of that, then it rains, a little lightning and a little thunder but nothing to write home about, nothing Earth shaking. Just the media once again making needless hype over nature's normal activities. Besides all that I figure I would rather just look out the door to see what's happening and be the best judge about the weather. Living in Dallas makes that impossible because Dallas is part of what is called Tornado Alley and this is the time of the year for tornados to happen. Maybe not today, maybe not next month, but sooner or later it's bound to happen here or nearby the Dallas-Ft. Worth Metro area.
Thursday, May 05, 2005, 9:36 PM CDST
entry no. 0014
My wife went shopping for 4 hours today while I took out everything from our bed room.
The stuff had to come out. We have to get Presley to come over and cut the carpet and that means the whole entire room must be clear of furniture to do the job right. So far he hasn't been by today. I planned for that by leaving the bed in there. I ain't gonna take out the bed and go without a bed to sleep on for several days until the carpet guy comes over. No way. You can never be too sure when a friend will come by to do a favor especially when they are always on call, and that means never when you plan to have it done, but always when you least are ready for it to be done.
After the two strips of carpet, about 10 feet long by 4 feet wide are cut and placed together using cold press tape, there will still remain a 2 feet wide by 10 feet long area at the South wall that remains bare.
This may in deed lead me to buy a single piece of carpet, about 10 feet by 11 feet and then go the process of removing all the furniture again and going through the steps of removing the old carpet, then placing the oversized piece down and align it to the front end of the room and make sure it's right at the edge perfectly, then carefully cut it myself until there is a nearly perfect layer of new carpet on the bed room floor. Until then, it's gonna be set and wait time once more.
That is one of my sources of stress in life, waiting for someone else to do something I probably could do myself but am unsure of doing myself. I have no experience using a carpet knife, but I do have experience as a draftsperson in both high school and college and an entire summer at Herman and Blum consolidated consulting engineers Inc. That was way back in the summer of 1978, right after my first two semesters of El Centro College on Lamar.
But still, he said he'd be by today or tomorrow. it's been today and now it's tonight! Maybe tomorrow won't become yesterday by the time he does come over to fulfill his promise to us. :)
My back hurts. I'm using my wife's dresser chair and it has no back on it. I have to go now.
Friday, May 06, 2005, 1:44 PM CDST
entry no. 0015
The night before went better than I expected. Presley came by and we moved the carpet around and he cut it and then applied cold press tape to the two pieces.
Afterwards, there was a 2 foot area that went the length of the room at the South window that wasn't covered by carpet. We will attempt to get a 2 feet by 12 feet piece using a sample of a piece of the old carpet to get the best match and then take it back to the house and get Presley to cut the old edge and match the extraneous piece, the 2 foot wide piece, probably will be off color a bit and use more cold press tape. Rather it be off color than bare wood. I am of a mind to just buy a 12 feet wide by 10 feet long piece of brand new carpet and go forward with filling the entire floor and that would include the divide at the bottom of the door way to the hall instead of leaving a 3 inch gap like we have now. You have to allow for irregular floor areas. It's not that easy, not just a rectangle.
I saw an ad for GERD. Gastro Esophageal Reflux Disease. That's what I was diagnosed with over a year ago after swallowing barium and x-rayed. I hated that. I almost threw up. I could barely contain it as it bloated me too.
Well, I'm happy we have the furniture back in the south bedroom and we can take a breather for a while, that is, until I buy a new blue carpet for it later then it will be move out the furniture again. What fun that will be. :)
9:51 PM Friday, May 06
My wife is on the telephone with her youngest son who lives in Georgia.
He said he quit his job as Lowes and is now doing residential moving inter state. He has a crew who help load the truck and one to help unload at the site. They essentially move people's possesions from point A to point B. He called us. My wife enjoys a nice conversation with her son.
Meanwhile, she has two other sons and 2 daughters, only one of which contacts by phone every now and again.
My brother hasn't called me today but he plans to take flowers Sunday, to the grave site on Mother's Day and wanted me to pay five dollars toward some flowers to put on Mom and Dad's graves.
My younger brother plans to go to Mexico with his pastor of a local church to deliver several food items to a local charity somewhere close to the Mexico-Texas border.
He's expected to leave Dallas Saturday and arrive back in Dallas from Mexico by Monday.
I guess I'll take it easy for the rest of the night.
Sunday, May 08, 2005, 11:54 AM CDST
entry no. 0016
Well, I wished my wife a happy Mother's Day, then called our neighbors up the street and got to talk to Mrs. T and I wished her a happy Mother's Day. Then I called Mrs. H. The phone answered and it was a hello, but from a voice from the distant past, I paused in hesitation as I realized who it was. It was Mike. I said finally. This is Anthony, then a half second later Mrs. H said, hello. I added: "I just wanted to wish you a happy Mother's Day.
Was that Mike who answered?" She told me yes. I thought to myself: 'Mike didn't hesitate to give the phone to you when he knew it was me. It's hard to believe that after over 25 years he hasn't stopped hating me for leaving him behind at the Rainbow Festival in Michigan.' She was telling me about Mike's wife and her intention to become a teacher and that she was unable to come to see her on Mother's Day. I said good bye and then I hung up the phone.
I called my brother, Bubba, on the phone and wished him a happy Mother's Day. He said he was going to go to the grave site tomorrow, not today but didn't tell me really why and that he might go to an AA meeting today and then watch some t.v.
I grew depressed from all of this. First, I realize my wife's children all hate her and I or just myself for being married to her as most of them resent me for taking their mother away from her late husband J C. Most children do not understand divorce and remarrying but the thing is they hold a grudge against both of us for one or more reasons and for that none of them except for one of her youngest sons bother even to call us. My wife has children and they have children and nobody writes, visits nor calls us.
Both my parents are in a grave yard north of Oak Cliff. Every year my older brother, Bubba, TC The Tool Cribber or little John, goes to the grave site of our parents and places fresh or artificial flowers on their graves. They are still very close and dear to my heart and I still miss them very much. The rest of the world keeps moving on forward but I don't really care that much about it. I still cling fast to the past to memories when my loving Momma and Daddy were alive and I could talk to both of them and feel the warmth that I then felt from the sounds of their voices that were so much a part of my spirit.
I am sad today. I don't want to be, but I am. There is too much hate and too many grudges about the long ago past towards me. It has become a life long burden for me to bear, one that grows heavier with every passing year.
Happy Mother's Day Momma! I will always love you. I will always have a place in my soul for your memories.
I will try to be a better person, knowing that you and Daddy are up there in Heaven, looking down and watching me in this world as I live my life.
God bless you both.
Well, what do you know! My wife's older daughter called to wish her a happy Mother's Day! They had a nice long conversation. I'm glad that my wife got the opportunity to chat a bit with her older daughter. Better to have conversations over the phone with two of her children than none. She has 5 children, 2 daughters and 3 sons. In my family it was similar. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters, alive and another sister, deceased.
My sister Catherine died at age 3 or younger with a rare disease known as:
Erothema Multiforma Ecetatavium. The spelling is hard for me. I don't know it's exact pronunciation nor its correct spelling, but my sister died within less than 24 hours of the onset of this very unusual disease. I still to this day do not know if it is inherited, and if it passes down from generation to generation. I don't know if my sister was exposed to chemicals. They once lived near two manufacturing plants, one was a tobacco plant and the other one metal manufacturing. In any case, it stirs up some deeper concerns about the environment and how it can destroy human life.
The white plastic lawn chairs we once bought at a local Home Depot became, over the years, discolored and the discoloration was not uniform and it was over the entire surface both above and beneath. There was no way that I could use enough soap nor water to wipe the stains and remove them from the plastic chairs. I know we live next to a 6 lane thoroughfare and that just washing down the front of the house lets you see the dirt that has been on the entire siding of the house. The years and years of living on this street has probably been responsible for our respiratory difficulties and the roses on my father's property down the road from us are always covered in an ugly dark spotty discoloration.
Bubba said: "I think the roses are like that because of the pollution from all the traffic."
I agree with him. We are ever constantly exposed to invisible as well as some visible toxins and car smoke, not always visible, yet ever present on such a road as this and it can do serious harm to our lungs and our skin and our mental health.
I try to spend little or no time out doors. I avoid the out doors except when I have to be out side to go somewhere like the library or grocery store. The brown haze that is ever present at the Dallas horizon line is a constant reminder of the filth that is entering the very pores of our skin and into the lung tissue and into our blood stream to our very brain.
And you might ask why don't you move? easy for you to say. Is it really any cleaner where you live? The polar ice caps contain trace elements of several toxins including but not limited to Strontium 90, a by product of atomic nuclear explosions from the early part of the 20th century.
If that is so, then it is quite certain that some of the dust that is accumulated on the air conditioner filters contains residues of nitrous oxide, carbon dioxide to name just a few.
I am not a scientist. I have read about it. Like cigarettes, they contain an encyclopedia of toxins that over time cause CANCER and that is the one thing that makes life in the new millennium not as cool as all that. Who, for that matter want's to get cancer just for breathing the air? Nobody!
Wednesday, May 11, 2005, 2:40 PM CDST
entry no. 0017
My younger brother called me this morning. He has returned from a trip to Mexico.
He said they had a good time. He helped deliver food to a charity located near the Texas and Mexico border. He said that he saw lots of poverty and suffering down in Mexico.
They stopped in San Antonio and visited the Alamo. My younger brother favors the mass migration into USA. He thinks the homeless people in America have it better than the average Mexican living near the borders of Mexico. Starvation might be one such affliction. The many homeless in America are also starving and addicted to drugs and alcohol and they often refuse shelter in any type of city homeless shelter as it impedes there freedom to roam around in an unstructured life style.
The neighbor is shooting birds dead again. One of those young men already killed a squirrel and I had to bury it in my back yard. No telling how long it had been laying there decomposing on our lawn. Then one of them killed a grackal from a tree in their neighbor's yard directly connected to their house to their East. The shooter climbed over the fence and retrieved the dead grackal and ran quickly to the front of the house.
The type of weapon being used is a simple air rifle bb gun. It used the common CO2 cartridge. One of those CO2 cartridges were found in my drive way about a month ago, following shots that sounded like fire crackers several nights before I discovered it on the ground. Such rifle BB guns can kill small animals and birds but worse, they can damage personal property like car windows and do body damage to vehicles and they can break out house windows but most of all, they can injure people by blinding them. It was apparent that those fellas were on our property at some time in the recent past and firing off one or more bb rifles. That is my estimation.
I was told that the Humane Society or the SPCA would be the best place to report such an incident, but that the local police would not respond to this kind of behavior unless property damage is incurred or physical injury.
Yep. probably right.
So I had my one hour of AMC and 2 cups of Folgers.
I put another 3 shelf book case together yesterday and placed the remaining videos and books on those shelves to help remove some of the clutter from the living room and that makes me happy.
Mother's Day , that is the day after marked the 10th anniversary of my Mother's death in 1995. I had a problem that exact day. I suffered some deal of depression from the loss of my mother and for that my day was basically not very good. Last Wednesday our friend Presley, handed me a 9 mm bullet that he had picked up while walking to our house to visit. He told me it was on the ground right by the empty lot where our neighbors once lived. Yep! The dummies who shoot off guns often leave tale tell signs of their foolish actions!
I am over it somewhat. I hope the men stop firing those BB guns and hope the rest of the day goes smoothly. I hope that isn't too much to hope for!
It's 3:00 PM now. I guess Passions if over now. I'm very glad of that. I hope we can go ahead and watch The Young And The Restless and One Life To Live while drinking freshly made iced Lipton tea, boiled on the stove top to perfection with a thin slice of lemon and calorie low Splenda sweetener. MMM. Refreshingly good.
The security monitor is going out. It's gonna cost me about $200.00 to get a new one.
I think I might be better off using a VHS compatible remote color camera. The Remmington brand has 2 small black and white cams with a monitor that can switch from cameras 1 and 2 and if you buy 2 more you can have it switch from cameras 1, 2, 3 and 4 or just stay on one of the 4 all the time. Both audio and video can be taped on VHS while the monitor is on, not off. I once tried to record over night and save the monitor by leaving it off and the next morning the playback was completely blank. It seams that when you turn off the monitor you also turn off the cameras so the VHS has no signal going in.
The 2 years I kept the monitor on 24/7 made it shrink and warp and wiggle. I feel like throwing the monitor out but I can still play back the videos over the television in the living room and the pictures, although black and white, are free of any distortion.
We bought the camera and monitor from Sam's Club over the internet. It had not been completely packed. A sign that the surveillance system may have been removed and even used once then placed back inside the box. I will not order any more from the Sam's Club on line. I will only purchase from the retailer after I inspect fully the box to make sure it is in excellent condition. The trumpet I bought, also from Sam's Club on line had a defect in the third valve. Every time I even used valve oil the 3rd valve would stick and not go up and down smoothly like it should. I know because I once played trumpet in Jr. High and in High School. That means that for 6 solid years I played a trumpet. That's a long time. Now my lips are so out of shape that I can barely do a simple C scale. I think I might take it out later and play a few tunes, that is, if I can even blow a note out of it. :(
Trumpets of Splendor. Remember that one?
Thursday, May 12, 2005, 12:15 PM CDST
entry no. 0018
I swiped a freekin ant off my computer desk!
The ants are getting out of hand. I can't really understand where they're coming from besides the fact they are from the ground out doors. We must have some small cracks in the window frame. The bb rifles were fired off a few more times yesterday before sun down, then around midnight my wife and I were watching tv in the living room and heard real gun shots being fired! I didn't call the police. Why the hell bother? Our neighborhood is going to the dogs anyway!
Yesterday we both watched The Whole Ten Yards with Bruce Willis and earlier one of the last few episodes of season four of Alias. Tuesday we watched the prequel to Exorcist, the one with Linda Blair, called: Exorcist, The Beginning. It was very graphically violent to say the least, but on a par with the previous two Exorcist movies
It looks a bit like rain. Dark skies, cloudy and humid air.
I think I'll change the appearance of my browser bye now.
If something comes up later I'll add it to my daily on line diary. :)
No news is in fact, good news!
Gotta go now.
Sunday, May 15, 2005, 7:57 PM CDST
entry no. 0019
I can't believe what I said out loud in the library this afternoon!
We were standing in line at the check out on the first floor and My wife told me I should probably move a little closer up in line. I have this thing about personal space you know.
I said sarcastically to my wife: "People often try to scrunch up closer and closer together while in a line as if to make the line appear to be shorter or speed up the process, but it's just as long a wait, the same amount of minutes of waiting no matter how close you are to the one in front of you. It looks like some kind of group orgy!" At that moment I realized I said something very offensive.
Funny that in spite of what I said, the guy in front of me, in line, wearing a cowboy hat and standing next to his wife or girl friend replied a few seconds later even though she gave me an angry stare, not to mention that half a dozen other people around me seemed to get the wrong impression about my crude comment and my wife was totally embarrassed with me. Any way, the guy in front of me replied" I under stand what you mean." He wasn't angry but rather in complete agreement with my statement, however crude it had been. Though I later apologized to my wife and told her I must have missed my last night's Lithium dose.
My God, what's come over me lately?
Monday, May 16, 2005, 10:55 PM CDST
entry no. 0020
I was talking to Presley this evening about how the FBI traces bullets fired from their owner's guns by detecting unique markings on the bullet once it has been found at the crime scene and...
he replied, " There's a special substance that can be put on a bullets that help the gun barrel become honed out to allow for more accuracy. It is used by expert marksmen who want to essentially erase the spiral markings that are left behind in the manufacture of guns."
I said, " But if a criminal wanted to keep the gun's bullet markings from the police in a murder investigation he would be able to do so using such a substance."
He replied, " But, a criminal wouldn't be smart enough to know that."
I replied, " But, Presley, there are lots of criminals out there who are not at all stupid.
I'd admit that many violent gun related crimes are committed by plain dumb scum but what about that small percentage of people who decide that they could get away with murder by using something that would make it next to impossible for the law to trace back at them?"
Then later after I asked him if the removal of the spiral striation within the barrel of a gun might stop the bullet from rotating like a foot ball does when it is thrown. But Presley was not listening. Instead he was discussing something to my wife about television and I stepped out on the porch to get some air. He then started repeating what I said earlier about smart criminals using a compound to erase the bullet's markings from the gun barrel and said it in a sarcastic tone. It was as if he was making fun of what I had said. I think it was a very intelligent point to make on my part but just because he didn't like the idea he provided negative comments to my wife about it while he thought I was out of hearing distance, but of course I was indeed close enough to hear every word and in fact every intonation.
Ya know, I think that in the future I will not share any more of my ideas with Presley. I didn't realize how critical he was of me.
Maybe this is an example of a dysfunctional thought, like the ones Dr. David Burns MD talks about. I have no idea.
I've heard Presley use the same sarcasm when talking about something he disagrees about in regards to other people who he dislikes, especially in the media.
Well, what ever! Today I've been in a bad mood all day. I can't shake it.
I've tried to take my Lithium on time this morning and also try to just keep a positive attitude, but really, how can you be positive when you're just plain in a bad state of mind? And nothing works, food, conversation, sleep, television, nothing! It has to pass. It always does, but with Bipolar Disorder you can't really control such mood swings.
I can't always blame Manic Depression and I can't always use dysfunctional thoughts or cognitive distortions every time. Sometimes I am in a bad mood, period! And it has to go it's course. I have nothing to do but wait it out.
I guess I've said all I can for tonight. I will head on into the living room and share the rest of the night with my wife. She's watching The Young And The Restless at the moment, recorded earlier today. Cognitive distortions and dysfunctional thoughts runs the gamut in all tv soap operas for certain. At least they are a fantacy and help me become distracted from my own lousy mood at times. The term vicariously comes to mind, or is it mindlessly?
Better tomorrows. I pray to God that will be so.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005, 7:09 PM CDST
entry no. 0021
I've been having another day of unexplainable depression.
But, I haven't missed any doses of Lithium recently. I have, however, been drinking some of the weirdest coffee. My wife thought it would be nice to empty the Gevalia coffee out into the Folgers, only the Gevalia is flavored with cinnamon! Then I drink the strange concoction because I don't want to waste coffee. I'm like that I guess. If I had a sandwich with bologna and mustard and put it on sour dough bread instead of regular white I'd eat it any way cause I don't like to waist food. Who should. Food costs money and you can't just throw it in the garbage like most Americans do nowadays.
My wife SJ is watching one of the last episodes left of American Idol, more to me like American Idle. Heh! :)
I watch it often enough. I had to take off from television long enough to edit some of this page before I forgot about it. Fogeddaboudeet. Or some such language from New York and the good old Italian Mob.
What's really on my mind? I haven't a clue. I wish I did. Today is over practically. I can't think of a thing to type right now. Bye.
Thursday, May 19, 2005, 11:41 AM CDST
entry no. 0022
I have to go with SJ to see the doctor this afternoon. Also I have to get my medicine dropped off and picked up from the pharmacy on the first floor.
I hope the car runs better since I added some transmission fluid last night.
SJ is getting all the documents to take with us so she can get her clinic card updated for another 6 months.
Presley told me that he would gladly help us out by changing the transmission filter and replacing the transmission's oil pan gasket and by putting in fresh clean transmission fluid.
Last night was the 2 hour special of Alias. Next Wednesday the season finale will air and that will all for either one summer or longer or forever. The dvd version of the entire 4th season will be made available probably in several months. Presley already owns the first 3 seasons of Alias on dvd.
I better get off this and go relax before we head on out to see the doctor and get her card updated. I searched the entire past hour for my statement that proves that I am qualified to be seen at the hospital by a doctor. Without that important document I am as good as invisible.
Thursday, May 26, 2005, 5:05 PM CDST
entry no. 0023
That Kenya Coffee is good stuff. My wife bought 2 bags of Gevalia coffee for me the other day. I may become a Gevalia customer forever.
It's been cloudy this afternoon. I'm playing a tape by Carly Simon, as time goes by.
I did set on the porch looking at the clouds, the traffic and saw a man washing and polishing his Lincoln. It was strange. I felt like I had dejavoux or something. I felt as if I was high or reliving a moment when I was younger. I felt the season, late spring. It was in the air and somehow I let my mind wander.
I thought SJ would be back by now but she isn't. She may have gone somewhere besides the library. You never know.
I'm hoping our evening is a good one. I haven't had the chance to check out the phones they sell at Wally World. Our old cordless bell south phone used up a new rechargeable battery in no time, something like 2 months or so. That's a bit too soon to have to go get another one. If I get another battery and it goes dead after about 2 months, I'm gonna have to hunt for a new phone later to replace it.
I prefer wireless or cordless phones. But those el cheapo! speaker phones that sell for under 40 dollars don't work right. The volume control has to be set to nearly the lowest level or while you're on it talking the phone sounds this high pitch noise caused by microphone to speaker feedback in the same basic way a microphone held too close to an amplifier makes a shrill high pitch sound when the volume is set too high. It's some kind of feed back.
Saturday, May 28, 2005, 1:52 PM CDST
entry no. 0024
I tried to find out why Netscape 7.2 Composer doesn't allow for background images inside of tables or cells but only color. But it only lets you place a background image on the page, while it's earlier version, 4.7 allows for both color and image, tiled or singularly placed inside of tables and inside of cells as well as used as the background image for the entire page or html document and to add a twist, the version 7.2 Composer is able to save java code for such elements as page counters and statistics sites links whereas the older version 4.7 can not in that you must first edit the page then using cut and paste with a text editor or advanced text and html editor place the code onto the html document and save it as an html file before the upload of it to your web site for public display.
Many times I ponder this. I often am taken back by the fact that when I edit using only 7.2, I try then to look at the page using the 4.7 and the page is completely disorganized. I'm sure that must mean that the older version of Netscape composer specifically version 4.7 for windows is now out of date and that it lacks many program functions that more modern WYSIWYG HTML composers must use to compete on line today.
The cost of Netscape is nothing. I've had fun with it since it came out in the '90's.
It's time for me to look for a more comprehensive composer. What I really would like is to buy a future version of Netscape Composer for Windows XP, Me, NT, 98, with XML and HTML and other advanced Java applett capabilities that can use the format that is best for me that is: What you see is what you get and what you see is also what they see.
I would be willing to pay $150.00 for such a thing. I am willing to wait until either Netscape, Mozilla, or a branch off from those original groups of intellectuals to start marketing this one and only best of the best, HTML editor ever in mankind's history, but alas I see a bleak future for me. I see myself having to learn Java and more advanced forms of now extant HTML language or buying Microsoft Front Page 2006 when ever it comes out to market for a reasonable amount of perhaps under $400.00
SJ has spent several hours working around the house while I spent that time getting used to Netscape 8, full version. I had to run through about 700 emails and that takes lots of time to do.
It also rained a bit earlier this morning. What else is new? For the past 4 days since I put up the camera at the back window those boys across the alley haven't once been out there shooting off their B.B. air rifles. But if they do, I'll have it on video in black and white for the police to look at. They started shooting at our house a week ago and SJ yelled at them to stop it. They went running towards their front yard and we've not seen hide nor hair of them so far.
Last night, pretty late, about 2:30 PM past midnight, two twin propeller helicopters circled our neighborhood about 50 times before moving off to the South West, probably towards Executive Airport where the Dallas Police park their choppers most the time.
I have yet to learn of what went on during that time. I should have turned on my scanner but I was way too sleepy to do it.
It's 2:15 PM and I guess I'll go to the living room and wait for another random phone call from either my older brother Bubba, or my younger brother KL.
Even KT might call as he does call me once in a month or a year. Note the degree of sarcasm in this last entry?
I have this phone.
It doesn't cost me $2,500.00 a year to use it.
It has to stay plugged into the wall, so what?
I like knowing that it isn't gonna ring while I'm out and about.
I let my answering machine take my calls.
I no longer use the rotary dialer like the nifty one you see here.
Just like all the rest I've gone digital and press 1 for this and 2 for that!
The good thing is, if I ever wanted to, I could probably get a rotary phone, black.
This little jpg of a phone is probably all there is left to the world of the FE prefix in phone numbers back in the '60's and the '70's.
Yep. Now if they could only come up with a smart person to call me, not a politician, an insurance salesman, a debt collector, a hang up followed by another hang up.
That would make the phone more an object of my affections rather than of my objections!
You know it? That simple ordinary looking telephone, is the product of pure genius that changed the face of civilization forever, that without such a contraption we'd be at the mercy of the long distance carrier, the postman. The internet wouldn't exist.
What a deal.
I just remembered. I'm supposed to call my brother later to see if he's coming over to have dinner with us next Wednesday. Saves me a walk up the street in the rain. Can't beat that with a stick.
Saturday, June 04, 2005, 9:20 PM CDST
entry no. 0025
We watched Troy last night.
Today we watched three more movies, including Cellular, A Touch Of Class and Something God Made.
I worked a little more on a grocery store layout. Kind of a floor plan of sorts, but not altogether scaled down to an exact ratio or perfect scale of measurements. It started as a basic exercise in parking lots and store entrances and it led to a more comprehensive drawing that included a lobby and a customer service center, a cash register area or check out counters and bathrooms and a place to put the shopping carts with little people icons all over the store with different color hair and clothes sort of 2 dimensional.
I started off the day doing the dishes, making fresh coffee then cutting the front and back lawns.
Pinto beans for lunch with home made buttermilk biscuits. Yesterday we had Pan cooked salmon, cooked in Bertolli extra virgin olive oil, about 2 tablespoons with lemon pepper seasoning and a squeeze of lemon juice, a tiny salad, buttered asparagus and a baked Idaho potato with Land o Lakes spread butter with canola oil, buttermilk biscuits and iced tea with Splenda instead of sugar and a slice of lemon. For dessert a slice of german chocolate cake with fudge frosting on the sides and inbetween and buttered pecan coconut caramel icing.
It was a perfect meal. But anyway, nothing to report. I did have to mow over a grackal as it was already in many pieces from being shot out of the sky by our disrespectable neighbors across the alley with their stupid air powered bb rifles. They killed several black birds or grackals and a squirrel I had to to bury last month from in my back yard near the back fence. I don't know why they feel they have to kill the local wild life here in Oak Cliff just to prove they have a good aim! It's against the law and the police will not hesitate to ticket them and fine their sorry butts several thousand dollars if they shoot that gun off and someone gets seriously injured from a stray bb pellet!
Yesterday SJ and I were trying to find a parking space at the Duncanville Wal Mart Supercenter. No luck! After driving the entire parking lot twice even SJ wanted to head on out of there and that we would be better off during the middle of the week, maybe Tuesday or Wednesday. It's no fun when you simply can't find a place to park your car in a parking lot that is bigger than a foot ball field or maybe even two football fields! All that space and no place to park. What a reality check that is.
I hate Wal Mart Supercenters. They are way too large. It takes an hour to buy one can of beans from walking in the store walking to the food department, and standing in line to check out, then to get back to your car and drive home, probably over an hour to do that single task. But, the older Wal Mart stores were large but not so huge as these clones that it would seem the only thing Walmart is wanting to do is impress everyone to the point of shockingly large, humongous. To prove they are the only place to shop in. They want to freeking take over the world by buying out everyone and hire a bunch of manufacturers who only hire for sub human wages for a sub human life and it keeps growing and growing until it is out of control. Remember a long time ago, before there was Wal Mart? There was Sears, Montgomery Ward, Sangar Harris, Gibsons, Kmart, J.C. Penny, Joskies,
and so on and so on. Remember the Red Bird Mall and the Red Bird Theaters? As long as Wal Mart keeps getting bigger and bigger and they keep building hundreds and hundreds of new stores one by one the good old days of yester year will slip away until the entire planet is one big parking lot that merely separates an infinite number of Mega Sized Super Stores. It just plain sucks and that ain't no cognitive distortion either.
I guess that's all. Some jack ass just yelled out of their car as they ran past our house.
It's Saturday night in Oak Cliff, Dallas, Texas. What else can you expect?
Sunday, June 05, 2005, 9:27 AM CDST
entry no. 0026
My wife and I were awakened to the sound of gun shots at around 6:15 AM this morning. About 8 shots were fired in a row. It sounded like it was coming from the south of our house, just about one block away.
I called the Dallas Police and told them what we both heard. The woman at 911 dispatch asked me my name and I told her. I guess they get lots of false alarms and they wanted to know who I was so they could red flag me. But I don't take gun fire in my neighborhood lightly. Someone might be killing somebody, not just firing a gun off just to make noise, but of course there are those types too. I mean, no telling how many dumb foolish people just buy guns for the sake of firing them off around the neighborhood for the thrill of it!
Then there's the gangs. They do drive bys and that don't mean they bo by someone's house just to make some noise. They point at the houses and the cars. They are the ones who the Dallas Police Gang Unit needs to put away for a long time before any more senseless deaths take place.
My wife had a dream that we were in a hotel in a strange country. Must have something to do with that movie we watched last night with George Segal and Linda Jackson in A Touch Of Class. They spent a week in a Spanish hotel with a balcony overlooking the something or other river and they got into quite an ordeal. It was a funny movie from way back in the 1970's. It was kind of corny though.
I better go finish off my Chinese Fortune herbal tea and get ready to tape The McLaughlin Group at 19:30 AM Central Time on KERA Channel 13. Hopefully Tony lets Eleanor get a few words in edge wise today. LOL! :)
Wednesday, June 08, 2005, 10:10 PM CDST
entry no. 0027
Talk about dysfunctional....
My brother, Bubba told me that he was in another accident 2 months ago and that he did serious damage to the front of his pick up truck, and that yesterday he came home from a trip up to the store, had lunch with Presley, then laid down to take an afternoon nap. All of a sudden Presley started to bang on the front door to get Bubba's attention. Hey JR! come outside quickly! The truck had slipped gears and rolled halfway into the first lane in the street. Bubba got inside and cranked the engine and drove back even further into the second lane to clear the curb and then drove back into the drive way.
About a week ago, Bubba had been visiting over our house a while and on his way down the front porch steps, slipped and fell forward, caught himself on our car, then fell completely on the front pavement, but he didn't in fact seriously injure himself. I had to help pull Bubba up because he seemed to be disoriented and not able to get up to his feet on his own. A few days earlier I was talking to Bubba over the telephone. He had his truck in the shop getting repairs done to his brakes and a few other things. He asked me how our car was running. I asked why did he ask me that question? He said: Oh I'm sorry. I'm the one who had work done to my truck, not you. Then to top it all off Bubba called a day ago saying he just cussed out a bill collector who woke him from a deep sleep and told him his brothers didn't have any money to pay off any kind of debt and that you can't get blood from a turnip. But funny thing is I don't have any debts. If any bill collector was trying to get me to pay anything it would be our phone he would call not my brother's and Bubba told me that the man on the phone told him he thought that he sounded drunk. I realized much of what he was saying was incoherent and disconnected that in a way manifested a high degree of mania, not inebriated by alcohol.
But the last several weeks and all that I have learned has given me reason to fear the worse, that is my older brother, just 13 years older than I, is experiencing a rapid deterioration of cognitive abilities. My late Uncle Louis on my Mother's side died just half a year after being diagnosed with Adult Onset Dementia, a similar malady like that of the profoundly debilitating disease known as Alzheimer's. My uncle also was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in his mid to late 40s.
Both my brothers have Bipolar Disorder. My older brother has 13 years on me and a considerable history of alcoholism. If Uncle Louis is any indicator of things to come and my older brother is beginning to get symptoms of a declining functionality in tiny increments and little bits and pieces of memory loss and disorientation and some disassociative signs of incorrect verbal references in recalling conversations between himself and a second person and reversing himself for the other person and visa versa, well, I guess I have a decade of sanity left before all my entire world begins to spiral down into a permanent fog!
Here's one simple example of what I mean in reference to the words: incorrect verbal references: 'I said you sure look funny today. He said I think you look funny too. And I said You're shirt is on backwards. He said, that isn't a nice thing to say. I said I didn't mean to say that to hurt your feelings. It's just the color of the shirt that looks funny. '
If you read carefully into the dialog, you can see how easily Bubba turned the conversation around to becoming the second person in the conversation and then making it sound like the other person was in the first person, that is himself. But moreover this manifestation is entirely himself in the second person like instant mirroring or projection.
This manifestation has become apparent to me lately as of the past year, not specifically but about within a 12 month time period of recent memory, that is if I can trust my memory still! When a person watches television that is familiar like a soap opera on a daily basis, there is a manifestation of projection of the person who watches it in becoming existentially the characters in the show, that is a kind of temporary insanity takes place and this is quite common in most people who watch television dramas. I was once told that I liked watching soaps to live vicariously in the characters of that show.
I would say that is pretty accurate on some levels, but when a person is telling a story to someone else who is explaining an event that took place recently and that if that event was a two way conversation with an individual about a simple exchange of ideas or basic personal exchange and emotion perhaps it is a form of memory loss when you talk as if you were the other person in that event and also yourself as if the other person were fictitious, like the actors and actresses of day time soaps and night time dramas series are. But when you are both remembering an event and then telling a story about it and replaying the conversation in your head while articulating the specific dialog at the same instant it requires pure brain multi tasking. And this can be a challenge even to one who is an excellent chess player, of high intellectual capacity and verbal skills.
For the most part I fear my older brother is losing some of his most necessary cognitive capabilities for his every day survival. His falling off the porch. His recent accident, and his leaving his truck out of gear when parking in front of his house only to have it roll back into heavy traffic worries me a lot. This is what's going on this day in my life on line.
Later. God bless us all. :)
Sunday, June 12, 2005, 9:57 PM CDST
entry no. 0028
Today we had a little yard sale.
I sat on the porch chair about an hour after setting up a table made up of two rubbermaid totes and a door with several kitchen items laid on top of it, and between two sycamore trees a rope was hung to place a few more clothes. It was about 93 degrees fht.
After no luck I went inside and washed up and SJ asked me to put in a video so I found one about Australia. The guy from globe trekker hosted one of the episodes and this girl from the outback hosted the other disk. Our first customer of the day pulled into our drive.
SJ came in about 10 minutes later telling me that the two people walked off without paying anything for half of the items and they kept saying FREE... FREE!????
They appeared to have no concept of honesty and spoke no English either as far as they indicated by speaking Spanish to my wife and no English but used a few English words like Does this go with this? and Free. Those are English words. When SJ said these pans are a dollar each, they responded with fifty Cents? After giving only six dollars to my wife my wife then told the two thieves that they had not paid her the correct amount of money form their purchase they just turned and smiled as they walked towards their SUV and got in carrying the items they did not pay for. and they laughed as well.
The fact is a crime had just been committed and my wife had no answer as to how to deal with this situation properly except let them go on their merry way to avoid a confrontation and it was a wise thing on her part I think to do nothing because you never can tell who you're dealing with as far as strangers and yard sales are concerned. Months ago a man stole a book case and a stereo entertainment center while we were inside painting our home and we had no way of doing anything about it after he was already out of sight with our yard sale items. People in this neighborhood are sometimes very criminal in their basic nature and yard sale thieves are about the lowest form of life there is if you ask me.
The thing that kicks me in the but is Presley told Bubba that since he gave us all the rice and noodles and sauces from the food convention where he got them, it didn't really matter if Bubba wasn't getting them himself because they both came over to eat at our house every Wednesday and they could eat it here. I figure he expects SJ to cook for them every Wednesday. He figured wrong. We just may not be at home next Wednesday. Talk about presuming on others of their hospitality. We have dinner with our family and friends when and only when SJ and I feel like having company and not as a regular occasion.
I never said anything about making Wednesdays dinner night at the Davis house.
For one thing my wife likes cooking for a few friends now and again, but not on a regular basis like it were some kind of scheduled event!
She is having bacon tonight. I told her bacon is not heart healthy and that she should not eat it but find something to eat that is good for you. She proceeded to cook the bacon anyway. It's a hot night. About 90 degrees at 10:24 PM Central Time in Big D Dallas Texas. The hottest it got today was 93. The thermostats on the window units were at 72 and the coolest it got to today in the house was 83 degrees. Not my idea of cool but what can you do with two window units?
Friday, June 17, 2005, 9:36 PM CDST
entry no. 0029
If it wasn't bad enough that Bubba didn't make it over on Wednesday for dinner
after telling Presley he wasn't feeling well enough to come over at the last minute, that is, after SJ finished cooking for 4, he invited himself for this coming Sunday, aka Father's Day and he asked my wife what we were gonna get him for Father's Day. Bull Shit! He ain't my Father. He's my brother. The last time I needed him to take me to get my wife at the post office after she had locked herself out of the car a distance of about 3 miles from our home I offered him $5.00 for his efforts and he accepted the offer without hesitation. I told him the only thing we were having on Sunday night was popcorn and tea. No Chinese Stir Fry or Fillet Mingone.
Not even a tuna fish sandwich. And I told my older brother I don't have any money to buy him anything for Father's Day. Yes, I was considering giving him a $22.00 beach umbrella for a shady spot in his back yard at one time but due to the circumstances, that is, his presumptuousness of my generocity, I will keep the umbrella for myself and I won't give him anything. After all when people ask for gifts on holidays and expect you to always give something it takes away the good feelings that come with an occassional spirit of the moment gift giving for no special occasion, but just being nice and feeling like doing something nice for someone you love without any expectations of a thank you or a reciprocation. May times in the past I have given Christmas gifts and they ended up as regifted to some perfect stranger or in the trash. It's not my idea of a good thing to just give gifts during holidays just as a ritualistic thing to do for no meaning nor joy comes of this.
If anyone other than my wife asks what I want for my next birthday I will just reply, "Not a thing." Because after their birthday comes up in January or August that same person will be obsessing about what ANthony will be getting them for their birthday and expect it and not let you off the hook with, "I got you a gift on your birthday. Aren't you gonna do the same for me on my next birthday and the cycle continues and never ends year after year forever. If I ever wanted to give any kind of gift to any one it would be to my wife. But to anyone else, there are strings attached and that sucks and I don't like it one itsy bitty bit!
It reached 100 degrees fht at around 3:15 in Dallas Today and yesterday it was 100 degrees also at sometime after 3:00 PM.
My website consists of the following pages:
Art by: Anthony Davis
Chow Down Central
Issues of the New Millennium
Lost In America
My Life On Line
Webshots Gallery: Art By: Anthony Davis
lookat desktop home
Lookat Visions of Tomorrow
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My Life On Line Page 1
Before the Alien Abduction :)